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Finding That Perfect Property Or Person Online

January 18th, 2015 · 1 Comment · American Riviera, Carpinteria Real Estate, Ennisbrook, Mark Lomas and Kirsten Wolfe, Montecito Real Estate, Real Estate Humor, Santa Barbara Real Estate, Santa Barbara Realtors, The Real Estate Concierge, The Real Estate Scene


(Not for the humor impaired or comedically challenged) Yesterday’s man or woman used to think, “if I need to find someone this way, I’m already lost!” But today, someone might say, ” I don’t have enough time to drive around and look at all the open houses/a potential homebuyer’s version of “speed dating”, so maybe I can use this service!”

We’ve all seen those ads for E-Harmony – where this scary looking guy comes out and tells us how great his dating service is, and then tries to convince us that it’s all scientific, and that people are matched on 92 points of compatibility! Yeah, right … E-Harmony people are just regular folks like yourself, not circus freaks, drooling sexual perverts, or couch humping Scientologists. (Perish the thought) The product of your union wil be an “Everlasting Love!”, not some head revolving, vomit spewing, bed wetting, priest cursing, ungrateful devil child, that you’ll have to support till you’re 18. (okay, maybe I have some issues) But … if you’re still a hopeless romantic, a word of advice … look beyond the curb appeal! Speaking of which … matchmaking and the promise of finding that perfect property is also here today!

No doubt every prospective buyer, seller, and real estate agent has heard of the Multiple Listing Service. The real estate agent’s “on the make” equivalent of a dating service. Real estate agents even have their own codes to help inform potential suitors. Possibly E-Harmony might want to implement this kind of methodology, as you’ll soon see, into their 92 reasons to run for the hills! (The following is gender specific … feel free to substitute whatever gender makes this PC for you … or not!)

*New: A new listing! The competition will be lining up for the first dance! A new listing has that “special glow!” … for now.

*Active: Active listing. This gals has been danced around, but so far, no one wants to marry her.

*DOM: Days on the Market. Everyone watches this number, like the date on a milk carton. It is an indication of freshness. The longer she sits on the shelf, the less desirable she becomes.

*CC: Contingent, but continue to show. She says she’s engaged, but there’s no ring on her finger – the “due diligence period.” The wedding may still be called off, especially if the finances don’t measure up!

*BOM: Back on the market. ewww…something could be wrong here. Definitely not a first choice. But if it’s 2a.m., and you’re drunk out of your skull and getting desperate, she might look pretty good. Of course, you may have to overlook that little hump, the lazy eye, and her spooky resemblence to Karl Malden.

*TW: Temporarily withdrawn. She’s not pretty, and she knows it. She realizes that if she wants more interest, she’s gonna have to get a face lift, fix herself up, start going to the gym, and maybe buy a wonder bra.

*EXPIRED: Listed, but never sells. She thinks she’s Paris Hilton, but she looks more like Yoda after a night of heavy drinking.

*PENDING: Okay, she’s bought the dress, had the rehearsal dinner, picked out the china pattern, and the wedding march has started. Potentially the groom can still back out and run screaming up the aisle. (Of course, such things usually only happen in the movies … still, there’s always the chance.)

*SOLD: They’re married! Happily? Who cares!? It’s re-harmony! (Cue music) ” This will be an everlasting love …”That is, till he discovers that she has a raging case of dry rot in her basement, terminal fung sway, and a sagging back porch.

Switch genders if offended – No Realtors were harmed in making this post



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