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How Not To Market Your Property

February 24th, 2015 · 1 Comment · Mark Lomas and Kirsten Wolfe, Real Estate Humor

Here are some examples of how NOT to market your property. Amazingly many of these tired worn out pitches are still used by some real estate professionals. Why?!  Here’s a humorous take on real estate marketing phraseology.  Hope you enjoy!

Will Not Last!      Not to burst your bubble, but those 347 days on the market are telling a different story

Seller Says Sell!  No way, I thought you had snuck this listing on the MLS without their knowledge!

Big Deck in Rear!  This is just one letter away from a whole heap of embarrassment, use only with extreme caution!

Needs TLC!  What’s the difference between Tender Loving Care and Tile, Lumber, and Concrete? Tons of Loose Cash! TLC!

Pottery Barn Decor!   The Pottery Barn is a store, not a style. And the sellers will be taking their decor with them!

Cozy  Which means small. C’mon let’s just call it what it is: an itty bitty nook.  You know a twin size bed won’t fit in there.

Priced to Sell! Well geez, I’d certainly hope so cause if it weren’t –  there wouldn’t be any point in selling it!

Mr. Clean lives here!  Does he come with the property?

Hot Water Heater!  Sorry, but technically it’s a water heater. Saying hot water heater is redundant.  If the water was hot you wouldn’t need a heater.

Updated!  This is cool to use if say the home was updated in the last couple of years.  But if the home was updated in the eighties I’m sorry it’s outdated again.

Better Than New Construction! Textbook example of hyperbole “C’mon down, these houses are better than new!”

Walking Closets! Ahh, that’s why we keep shoes in there!

Don’t Let This One Pass You By!  Why, is it on wheels?

Show and Sell!  So I’m showing just for kicks, and not try to sell a buyer a house? You have a wonderful grasp of the obvious…not!

Open House This Weekend!   Which weekend?

Room for a Pool!  There’s nothing like advertising something that it doesn’t have (but could). Why not room for a goat farm or ferris wheel? Doesn’t have it now, but it could?!

Rancher!  Ranchers have cows.  It’s a Ranch Style home.

Too much to list!  Not it’s not. C’mon give it to me.  I’d rather spend a few more seconds  reading your listing description than visiting your listing and have it underwhelm my client.

Honey Stop the Car!  Last time I saw that line, the house was being AUCTIONED!  Keep driving!

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